It's a Journey

I can't say that I ever made a conscious decision to take off on a spiritual journey. But I guess that is what I have been and continue to be on. It is like getting into a dinghy and launching out on the ocean not knowing where I will land. I feel somewhat like an explorer. I am drawn to discover but a bit fearful and apprehensive. I try not to have too many expectations but would like some answers to questions I have yet even realized. It is an opportunity to be more intimately connected with the holy.

I have learned that in some Buddhist traditions it is believed that the most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to the place where we think we can't handle whatever is happening. I don't know anyone who has not been at this place. For me, it was finding out someone I loved and trusted with my most vulnerable self was not the person I thought. What does one do with this information? This kind of discovery pulls the rug out from under you. Intially it becomes a time of not knowing, when stillness can become paralysis, and movement can become almost manic.

Our hearts can be broken by many things; death of a loved one, lost love, other people's suffering; and I believe that to truly know love our hearts must be broken open. But how many times? I suppose each time is a teachable moment. So, what have I learned? I have learned how longing for love is innate and how impossible it is to make human love safe. So, what am I doing with my new found knowledge? I am walking away, but refusing to stop loving. This has become my path to reconciliation. As I continue this journey I have begun to notice that every single day, I am cycling in and out of moments of love.....trying to find the balance...............trying to listen to where the spirit is leading me.